One of the best things about having a wedding is that you get to invite hundreds of guests to celebrate your marriage with you! Essentially, your wedding is the first event you will host with your spouse and you get to have everyone you know and love be part of it.
It is inevitable that somewhere down the line, someone will either be offended that they are not invited to your wedding, or they won’t like a decision you have made about the food or the venue. Whether those offended guests are justified or not, it is bound to happen.
The worst piece of advice I ever received: “If you are offended by something the bride and groom do, don’t tell them”.
I understand the logic behind the statement: planning a wedding is overwhelming and stressful. If everyone starts telling the bride and groom that they are offended by something, that will only add to the stress. I get it. However, I think that is ridiculous.
My wedding is going to be one of the best days of my life – obviously – but I don’t want my future relationships to be defined by a self righteous attitude that maintaining my stress levels is more important than maintaining friendships.
My wedding is not only about me.
Yes, I want the perfect day and so does Glen. Yes, we want to celebrate our relationship. Yes, we want to be loved and feel special on our wedding day.
Those things are all true. But our wedding day is a celebration that honours our family and friends, the people that have supported our relationship and encouraged us along the way. We want to feed them, entertain them and love them, the way we would if we had guests over for supper.
If you’re offended, tell me.
Mistakes happen. I may leave someone off the guest list. I may think I’ve invited someone when I haven’t. I may still have an invitation for you but I haven’t had a chance to give it to you yet. I might assume everyone wants to eat steak and forget that you’re a vegetarian. I might accidentally put you at the same table as your ex.
We will make decisions that not everyone will understand or agree with, but we would like to have the opportunity to explain those decisions if they aren’t well received.
I would rather have someone tell me that they are offended so that I can rectify the situation by explaining my decision or apologizing for a mistake. If you don’t tell me you’re offended, I will never know and that could be more damaging than potentially stressing me out a little bit.
If the thing you are offended by is ridiculous, I’ll tell you. If you are justified, I will graciously apologize and do whatever I can to make sure our friendship is still intact.
Glen and I value our friends and family and they have all been incredibly supportive of our relationship from the very beginning. We were overwhelmed by how excited people were when we got engaged and we will always cherish the hugs, high fives and congratulatory messages we received that day.
Kelly Jane Mole is an on-the-day wedding co-ordinator that recently got engaged to the man of her dreams. She will be blogging about her wedding planning journey in the hopes that readers will learn something from her triumphs and mistakes. Follow the Illuminate My Event blog to see more!